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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23067532">The only one made to love you is yourself.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/scroomslayer/pseuds/scroomslayer'>scroomslayer</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Eddsworld - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>...poor matt, Autism, Compulsory Heterosexuality, F slur tw, M/M, Matt is gay, Prequel sort of, a shit ton of headcanons, also theres some cussing but thats typical of me lol, character study sort of, dont worry yall eduardo isnt homophobic forever, edd and tords exchanges are great-, emetophobia tw, homophobia tw, matt has autism, rating this mature bc its got a wet dream in it, sort of sort of, tord is still a little shit, why do i do all this terrible shit to my favorite characters, yeahhh this is terrible</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 08:15:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,060</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23067532</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/scroomslayer/pseuds/scroomslayer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>something i whipped up back in january. pleas see the notes and tags. pleas. they're importand.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>One-sided Matt/OC</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The only one made to love you is yourself.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is full of headcanons im sorry,,,but BASICALLY matt has autism and hes gay but hes HEAVILY affected by compulsory heterosexuality and like,,,this fic takes place in high school and stuff and everyones 14...also before you call me out for sexualizing minors,,,this is more of a character study if anything, so LIKE NOTHING IN HERE IS LIKE MEANT FOR SOMEONE TO GET OFF TO OK,,,plus this entire fic is meant to be awkward and poignant bc puberty just be like that bro- OK now that we’ve got that out of the way lETS GO-</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Matt couldn’t figure out why no one wanted to talk to him on his first day of high school.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He always tried to talk to them. He’d say hello or wave at them or say their name or something, and they never responded. They just walked on by or started talking to someone else, or heck, sometimes they’d just stay silent. Maybe it was the way he kept his hair or his clothes, or maybe even the wristband he wore to school. His mom told him he had to wear it so people would treat him with respect. It had a rainbow infinity sign on it. If it was for that reason, Matt still didn’t get it. He thought it looked nice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But at that point, Matt didn’t mind. He had his friends, Edd, Tom, and Tord, and he had his family too. Besides, high school looked like it would be fun. He wasn’t all that used to all those period transitions, and sometimes he’d be late to class. But his teachers shrugged it off. Matt guessed it was because it was the first day of school, and it was inevitable that some kids would be late. The teachers were what Matt loved the most about high school. They were always so nice to him and would help him with his work a bit more than other kids, and many other things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, it was almost what he loved the most about high school.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In his third period, math (which he struggled with the most), there was this boy that sat in front of him. His name was Harvey Schiacciare (pronounced sk-ya-cha-ray, if he remembered correctly). And, weirdly enough, there was something about him that made Matt decide that he was #1 on his “to-befriend” list. He had shoulder-length hair that was a deep burnt umber, and it looked silken and soft. His skin was pale and dotted with light freckles like the stars in the sky. Sometimes he’d turn over to his best friend sitting opposite of him, and Matt would catch a glimpse of his warm and welcoming blue-grey eyes. On the rare occasions that he and his friend would talk, Harvey would give a gentle titter, and Matt’s heart would start beating like an earthquake.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt had been so transfixed on the back of Harvey’s head that he forgot to listen to the math his teacher was trying to teach. So when Matt had suddenly been called on, he snapped out of his trance. In fact, the sound of his teacher calling his name was so startling that Matt lurched back in his seat, sending him flying backwards. As soon as the impact struck him, he started to hear the guffaws and cackles of his classmates. Matt smiled, and gave a chuckle. After all, it was awfully silly of him to do such a thing. So Matt picked himself up and continued admiring Harvey from afar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When school ended, Matt automatically went to his friends to talk about his day. He had to talk about Harvey to someone. It was impossible for him not to talk about that kid. There was something about him that captivated Matt at first glance. Something that made him want to talk to him and laugh with him and...well, he didn’t understand some of the things he wanted to do with him. For example, he sort of wanted to hold his hand. It seemed like it would be really warm and soft. And he looked so gorgeous...that Matt even wanted to be his boyfriend. Matt laughed at those thoughts. Weren’t boys supposed to like girls? Boys couldn’t love boys, that was impossible! Or so he thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Matt caught sight of Edd’s green hoodie, he ran right up to him to tell him all about Harvey. Edd had decided that he wanted his bangs to cover his eyes, to evoke at least a bit of mystery in his “aura.” Matt thought it was just funny-looking. Edd always talked about spiritualism and psychic things, and would snap at anyone who would tell him that it was just a phase. Maybe this whole Harvey thing was just a phase, and it would go away soon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Edd! Edd, I need to tell you about something!” Matt exclaimed as he ran over to Edd.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edd stopped talking to Tord and directed his gaze at Matt. “Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt began to explain his situation. “Yeah, okay! So uhh, in math class, there’s this boy, y’know? He’s super cool, and I REALLY wanna be his friend.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I’m listening.” Edd cocked his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s his name?” Tord asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh…” Matt tried to remember how to pronounce Harvey’s last name. As he said it, it was strung out, syllable by syllable. “Harvey...Schiacciare.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tord’s mouth hung agape and Edd began to look uneasy. Pretty soon, the corners of Tord’s mouth twisted into a smirk, and he began to chortle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harvey Schiacciare?” Tord said, baffled. “Do you realize who he is? He’s literally the biggest dick in the whole school!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a second, Matt stood there and tried to process what Tord had said. Once he realized, he replied by saying, “Hey, wait! I thought we weren’t allowed to say bad words!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you kidding me?” Tord laughed a bit harder. “We’re FRESHMEN, we practically know how to do our own taxes! If an adult hears us, then THEY should be worried. I know where all of the closest firearms are, and if I want I’ll get them out and fuckin’ use ‘em-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hush, Tord! Do you realize how much this is saying about your future?” Edd snapped. “If I read your palm again, your destiny better not have anything to do with you being a wanted criminal!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one even cares about your stupid hippie bullshit, Edd!” Tord replied, still laughing. “Now CAN IT!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Edd turned away, still angry but not wanting to argue with Tord any further.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhh, wait, I think I have to go,” Matt said. “Um, bye!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And off Matt went. Matt always walked home alone. He felt a bit lonely when he did so, but he guessed it had something to do with bullying or something. Pretty soon, he got home, and the day continued as normal, with the exception of Harvey being on his mind constantly. What seemed abnormal, though, was when he tried to sleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had a weird dream. Weird, but in a good way. He did something with Harvey. He couldn’t really figure out what it was, but it felt good. REALLY good. He couldn’t really recall it...he was in a bed with Harvey, and he could feel his skin and touch his face, and they kissed for a while, and some other stuff happened. He woke up in the dead of the night sweating, and his sheets and clothes were damp and sticky. He was scared that he might have done something wrong, so he changed his clothes, took the sheets, and threw them off to the side, hoping his mother wouldn’t notice. He spent the rest of the night trying to go back to sleep, and failing, of course.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next day, when Matt went to school, he decided he was going to tell Harvey EVERYTHING. After the dream, he felt like he couldn’t keep his mouth shut about it anymore. He didn’t think he would get shunned. Harvey seemed like a nice person, and by God, that laugh of his made him feel oddly mushy inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He spent the rest of math doing the same thing he did last time: staring intently at the back of Harvey’s head. He didn’t know if Harvey knew what he was doing, but he wouldn’t mind if he knew. In the end, he would know anyway. When the period ended, Matt slipped a note into Harvey’s hand that read as such:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To: Harvey</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Please meet me at the back of the school building after school (3:25 PM). I need to tell you something super important.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>From: Matt</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And when school ended, Matt zipped to the back of the school building, waiting eagerly for him to arrive. He waited for what felt like forever, but soon enough, Harvey arrived.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt felt his face get warm. Now that he was standing face-to-face with Harvey, he could see all of his features. He was doe-eyed, and his hair shone in the hot sun like a jewel. His lips, no, scratch that, ALL OF HIM looked so delicate and soft. His expression was laid and carefree,  as if he feared nothing. Matt couldn’t help but squeal.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhhh…” Matt squeaked. “You’re...kinda late…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Harvey shrugged. His voice was smooth and silvery, but his tone seemed a bit rough. “Just say what you need to say. And quick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uhhh…” Matt trailed off. “I-I...think you’re really cool. And I wanna be your friend...and uhh...last night, I...I-I…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You what?” Harvey asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt felt his stomach churn. “I...had a dream about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two were silent for a moment. Adrenaline pulsed through Matt’s body. He thought about running away and never coming back and shutting himself off from the rest of the world...but Harvey kept his feet glued to the ground. And, after some time...Harvey started laughing. Why was he laughing? What was so funny about this? Matt felt like he might just vomit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, Eduardo, get over here!” Harvey said. “This autistic kid had a wet dream about me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt heard another voice begin to laugh. As it drew nearer, another kid appeared. It was Harvey’s friend! God, did he really hear all of that? What was he going to say? Matt felt tears swell up in his eyes, and before he could repress them, they started flowing out like a leaky faucet. Sobs built up in the back of Matt’s throat, which he tried to repress as well, to no effect. Pretty soon, he was completely bawling his eyes out, as Harvey and Eduardo laughed even harder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no!” Harvey whined in a mocking voice. “Is the little pansy gonna cry? Someone give him his makeup kit, he’ll need to reapply his eyeliner after this!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt began to cry harder as the two boys began to laugh harder. It seemed as if the more he cried, the more amused they were. And Matt didn’t understand why they were being so mean to him...why were they calling him names and talking about makeup? And people had never insulted his autism before, what was wrong with it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Should we dump him in the forest?” Eduardo asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, fuck yes! That’ll teach him!” Harvey responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey and Eduardo gripped Matt by the armpits and began to drag him across the ground. He began to cry out for help, which no one responded to. He called the names of his friends, and no one came. Everything began to burn as they dragged him across the pavement, and he felt splinters scratch up against him and enter his body when they dragged him into a dark, wooded forest. The two let go of Matt, and he dropped to the ground limply like a ragdoll, still crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey firmly put his foot on Matt’s chest, and leaned in. His face got so close to Matt’s that Matt could feel Harvey’s hot breath on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And if you ever think of fucking me again,” Harvey snarled. “I will get my girlfriend to suck your dick and talk some sense into you, you FAG.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two ran away, with Harvey giving his usual titter. Now his titter sounded devious and snide much rather than gentle or kind. The facade Matt had covered Harvey’s true colors up in his own blind love with was now torn down and replaced with the dejecting truth. At this point, Matt was crying so hard that he was choking. He felt a hot, foul bile rise in his throat, and it spewed from his mouth like a volcano. He hated how the vomit tasted in his mouth, like burning acid trying to escape him. He laid there for a bit, unable to stop himself from whimpering like a sheepish dog. And then, he drew to a sudden halt and silenced himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt finally realized why no one wanted to talk to him on his first day of high school.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>guys can yall tell im projecting here<br/>im gay and i have autism<br/>uh<br/>yeah</p><p> </p><p>fuck harvey lol</p></blockquote></div></div>
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